I'm a Mom.

I think I’ve had a breakthrough tonight. I have been reading a book called Maternal Desire by Dr. Daphne de Marneffe, in which she has expressed eloquently the feelings I have had as a mother and the confusion between these feelings and what society tells me I should (and shouldn’t) feel. We live in a world where women hold prestigious political and professional titles; where they earn huge amounts of money and are honored with largely sought after awards. These are the things society tells us we should strive for; and that “simply caring for children” is equal to just sitting around. I have never agreed with this school of thought but I have also never really been able to express or determine why. I have recently realized that the urge to nurture and care for children is primarily engrained in us women by gender. We naturally have a desire and a need to care and love. Society paints this as something negative, and until now I just accepted that and have even been embarrassed by it at times. Looking back, I’m seeing how shamefully stupid that was!

We as women are so fortunate to live in a world where we have limitless opportunities; the most incredible of which is the opportunity to choose how we spend our time – whether it be at work, caring for our children, developing talents, or “doing it all.” I am so grateful for the women of previous generations who fought so hard for the ability to make these choices. In no way is choosing to care for children a waste of their efforts and hard work. It is a celebration of it.

Dr. de Marneffe makes a great point in her book…she brings to light the reality that the time that our children are little is very limited. I connected instantly with that statement because I was going through a very stressful time at work during Brayden’s first year and, looking back, I feel so sad that I pretty much missed that whole year of his life – just so I could prove (to myself, mostly) that I was capable of “doing it all” and that having a baby wasn’t going to “hold me back.” I can promise that the years to come will be different.

I guess the point of all of this is that I have decided that I’m going to be proud of the joy I feel when I care for my sweet, adorable son. Instead of focusing on promotions and raises I will enjoy snuggles and kisses, and I’ll let all that other stuff wait. The stereotypes of “stay at home moms” that society has produced are no longer accurate. I think that this is the progress we will see in the future, and this is exciting to me.

I'd better get to bed…I’m going to be a mom tomorrow.